Life is more than the sum of its parts. In my life, running is one part. Surviving a wild Canada Goose attack is another.
It was a crisp, chilly winter morning. I was in high spirits, and I had rhythm in my feet, coffee in my belly, music in my ears…. I was walking towards my office building.
Then I saw him.
He was in the middle of the walk way. He was alone. He looked like Gandalf trying to block Balrog (I have no idea what this reference means, Google gave it to me. I never read that stupid book, I have more self respect than that), waiting to stop me from entering.
OK OK. He was a Canada Goose. There are a bunch of them around the campus. They block traffic frequently, crossing the road, moving at a glacial place, wiggling their butts, with the full self knowledge that they can fucking fly if they want to. FLY!
Anyway, I recognized, with my expertise in ornithology, his aggressive posture. What to do? He is in the middle of the walkway, no other entrances or way to go around him. I could turn around and go back home to DC. Duh… the most obvious option. I moved forward, slowly, acting as normal as I can. Sure enough, he charged, started pecking (?) with his mouth (?). Then he grabbed on to my pants pulling on it as if he is trying to disrobe me.
*See that is when I knew the goose was a fucking male goose.*
I was like dude, I am not into that… or that…. you know… guys…. or geese. Jeez….
So I stayed there, let him take his time, and feel manly that he attacked and won over a helpless human man.
All of a sudden he realized that he has won and decided its time to go brag to his goose friends.
The most harrowing 32 seconds of my life!
And it was a Monday. . How was the rest of that week? It’s a totally different story.
I may or may not have screamed “I’m vegan you dumbass goose bird, I’m in your team…”
Like my instagram friend stonehill2015 later said, “He must have been on lookout rotation and takes the role too seriously. Like a mall cop.”